Don't bite the carrot...

I know it's been a while since I decided to be uncomfortably vulnerable on the internet and hand out unsolicited advise like it’s no bodies business; I guess since deleting Tinder and deciding life is better when you’re avoiding tequila and boys and focused on chasing waves and dogs. I went a bit quiet.

I mean don’t worry, I have a lot more stories from my time when I was open to dating, but in all honesty it’s probably better I release those under an alias…so stay tuned…

I have been trying to write, but nothing flowed as well. It’s been hard to impart (the very little) wisdom I have learnt because in all honesty life’s been a little bit wild… fun… but wild. I guess that’s always the case when you’re on the run. Again I’ll get into that in upcoming posts, but for now it’s just important you know as we enter Spring I’ve realised I’ve entered a new season in my life, a season where I’ve bloomed. Whenever I pray I see this beautiful, pink flower and it’s ready, it’s basking in the sun, completely open. It represents me very well right now. A lot of the dead branches in my life have been removed, I feel ready for whatever this next chapter holds.

After such a chaotic season previously, I’ve realised how important it is to be ruthless in your pursuit of peace and how easily it can be taken from us. I’m sure those of you that know me, or follow me on Insta know I’ve been spending more and more time up the coast on the Garden Route, in the beautiful Wilderness.

Where my life in Cape Town felt a bit hectic, I was unsettled and pretty lost, I was constantly on the run from my feelings, from healing, from pursuing the right path and it was getting exhausting. I don’t think I realised how much I was avoiding until the quietness allowed me to hear the whispers of my heart and face some home truths head on.

Wilderness (Wildos from here on out) is peaceful, being an outsider I’m not amidst the drama, days are slower, but time is faster. 10 days feels like a month, a month like 3 and so on and so forth. There are good waves most the time, warm water, dolphins and whales to be seen on the reg (yeeeeewwww). Wildos has a wholesome vibe, wholesome people and it’s just good for the soul. It brings you back to nature, back to a more sustainable way of living, where you’re reminded less is more, in every sense.

My friend put it perfectly “we’re all stoked and broke”. Just the way it should be.

I went to Wildos to heal, to decide whether a new life up the coast was right for me, but as much as I love it I soon remembered that Cape Town is home and I don’t need to run away to find peace. I have to cultivate it in my life here. The time away really allowed me to get back to the root of who I am, reminding me the important lessons I have built my life upon.

Like that scene in the Lion King where Rafiki points to Simba’s reflection and Mufasa's beautiful voice tells him to “remember who you are Simba” It was kind of the same vibe, God reminded me of when I first arrived in Wilderness in 2018. I was fresh from the UK, a heartbroken, independent, fiery Welsh girl travelling South Africa looking for waves, adventure and trying to rediscover myself again. In order to come here I had to cut a lot of branches from that former life. It wasn’t easy but ultimately it was worth it to have the life I always wanted.

Again, It was time to cut back the dead branches, to prune the unruly vines and to nurture my roots so I can be free to blossom. After all, I only have 4 months left on my current visa before I potentially have to leave South Africa for an unknown amount of time and I have found God prompting me into action about how I want to spend these last few months. [I am applying to stay longer don't worry]

I’ve been living in survival mode for too long and in turn playing it safe in too many areas, following another heartbreak I did the work, I found deeper parts of myself and outpoured into creative outlets. My writing improved, my yoga sequences more complex, my love of reading and poetry returned, parts of myself I thought I lost came back… I stopped resorting to toxic positivity and I actually acknowledge my, and then as consequence, others pain. I was able to really feel all the highs and lows life has to offer:

-The stoke and the disappointment.

-The love and the heartache.

-The freedom and the growing pains.

-The excitement and the fear.

I came a really long way but going away showed me it’s important now to put all I learnt into practice. After all we can have all the knowledge, but without action it means nothing… think you know eating a healthy, balanced diet is good for you, it gives you more energy, allows your body to work more efficiently, allows your organs to have less fat on them, allows you to live longer etc, etc but if you’re not actually doing it, you get none of the benefits.

So here I am back in the craziness, but wonderfulness of Cape Town and I feel like my life in a lot of ways has reset. I get a do-over to decide who and what gets a position in my life. I mean I found myself going back to my default settings like back to pre-pandemic life… I didn’t really know anyone, so my time was spend seeking God, working, surfing whenever I could, running, doing yoga, listening to Podcasts trying to seek wisdom and grow (and at that time grieve in a healthy way), I didn’t really drink and although I was going through a bit of a time I was thriving in many areas of my life... and I want that back.

Having that revelation allowed me to place down a lot of the weight I was holding before going up the coast, and consequently I feel lighter in spirit and just back to myself again, like I have the glow everyone talks about (and it’s not just from the lovely Wilderness weather I was taking every opportunity to soak in). In all areas of my life, I feel stronger and braver, like so much of my fear and anxiety has just been lifted off my shoulders.

I have purpose and therefore motivation.

I know who and what is on my heart and I want to live my life accordingly. I really feel motivated to better myself as a surfer, I’m investing in a surf-skate, I’m not afraid to surf new spots out of my comfort zone, to fall or to fail. So often it’s the opinions of others or fear of failure that can stop us achieving our potential.

I’ve started to run again, starting my morning early, getting out and improving my fitness and taking time to recover doing yoga so I have the strength and flexibility to be and get better.

I’m no longer really wanting to drink in excess, I’ve had my wild time and I can see although it’s fun and incredibly social (I mean I’m all for the post surf beers in summer) but I don’t need to go out partying, drinking tequila (see previous post as to why) and I can clearly see in a lot of ways it holds me back from my goals. I want to be stronger both mentally and physically, I want to be productive completing work on time, therefore having more time for surfing, for writing my blog, being with my friends in healthy ways.

I’ve been reading '12 Rules for life' - Jordan B Peterson and it really has enforced cutting off dead behaviours, things that don’t better me, or serve me for the future. Drinking, eating unhealthy foods (don’t worry I’m not going to to the extreme the chocolate addiction is still strong) but It really is a weak mentality to have the knowledge things are not good for me, and not let that information influence my life for the better.

I found myself asking who I want to spend my days with and why? What do they bring to my life and how can I enrich theres? I mean it’s not cutting off people, but it’s finding your people and doing life fully with them, invested in their good times, bad times and everything in-between - and I can’t do that if I’m busy being an average acquaintance to 500 people.

I’d encourage everyone to remember what we spend our time and energy on now will feed into our futures. So If I seek God, chase my goals, put my head down hopefully I can get to where I want to be and start the business/career I dream about. If not, then maybe I’ll be helping someone else with there’s for a long time and never achieving my potential. If you spend your time listening to idol gossip, that’s less time you have working on ourself and having time to reflect your actions.

It’s unfollowing accounts that disturb my peace, and I’m not talking about toxic positivity “no negative vibezzzzzzzzzz” but understanding social media is a tool, I can use it to help me or it can be a lovely distraction but being aware it’s my choice and who and what I follow feeds into my subconscious.

All these little, conscious decisions slowly feed into your mind and reflect out of our behaviour and currently, I’m feeling in a much better place, and I find myself wanting to protect that at all costs and cultivate a peaceful life through every decision I make and in turn, every action or reaction I have.

This week there was a situation that arose that caused me quite a lot of anxiety. Now I haven’t felt that anxious for a really long time, but It was a situation that showed me how much control I (we) have. In this situation a carrot was dangled in front of me, a carrot I instinctively knew would bring hurt, drama and possibly effect a relationship with someone close to me. It’s funny because in that moment your curiosity wants to take the drivers seat, wanting to eat the carrot; your ego wants to protect you and says if you don't take it everyone else would have and you’ll look like a fool.. but I took a minute, I prayed and I decided that no matter how delicious the carrot might be, or how foolish I might look, it was better to keep my peace. [It was better to love and respect my friend & their choice to share or withhold their carrot from me]

In a practical sense I asked myself what would biting the carrot mean for me, and consequently how would I have to act? Would I have to vow never to eat vegetables again? (the metaphors getting loose here guys bare with me) Would my heart hurt? Would I be angry and act out of that emotion rather than of love?

It took me but a few moments to realise my life is better not eating carrots; and not knowing what whatever gossip is going around, that it wouldn’t propel me closer to my goals, or bring me peace or joy. It wasn’t going to honour my friend or myself.

Just like I’ve decided not to bite in other areas, my focus remains steadfast and unfortunately there is no room for people that wants to steer me in other directions.

Life is always going to get busy, there’s always going to be distractions from what is really important, your ego is always going to want you to make one decision, but I hope you’re strong enough to challenge it and let every action be out of love... focus on your own veggie garden if you will.

I’m excited for this next chapter, my final few months in South Africa for a while and opportunity to get hustling to put things in place for my return. I’m excited to enter this season, lighter and not opening doors to anything that holds me back, no drama, no gossip, just staying in my own lane, chasing God, waves, cute dogs and the occasional blonde surfer boy… ;)

Hope you can do the same. xoxo

[Disclaimer no hate towards carrots they're top tier veggies]