Don't mix Tinder and Tequila...

Hello readers,

So it's been a while. Lots has changed but the fact I'm back, I'm single and I'm making a joke of it, isn't.

By popular demand I'm back to bare my heart, be vulnerable and laugh my way through what is modern dating to share with you, the good, the bad and the soul destroying.

Sit back, get an oat milk latte and enjoy...

Don't mix Tinder and Tequila...

I never thought I’d be there girl giving advice on Tinder dates.

I was so anti Tinder, so anti-online dating. Not for others, just for me.

I craved connection, I also craved the cheesy romance story of bumping into someone organically and dating the “normal” way. The world’s changed, online dating isn’t going anywhere and if like me you now refuse to date guys from your community (I got the boy that I bumped into and you don’t think about when you break up and still bump into each other 6 times a week) online dating is a great way to see what else is out there.

There are many stage of Tinder:

The first: “Oh, I really am going to die alone with 5-7 cats”.

What’s out there looks bleak. Anyone you remotely fancy you just close the app. Maybe delete it and redownload a few times.

The second: “Wow, everyone and their dog (literally) really are on Tinder” and “Are you attractive or are you just 1.85m tall?”

The third: “There are some weird people in this world”

and finally something some what sensible: “You know what, he looks fun/kind. I’m going to give him a chance”

Normally after a break up, I take some time away from dating to reflect, to hate men a little, to heal, to focus on surfing and friendships and this break up wasn’t that different in that sense. Except I decided this time I wasn’t going to build my walls up and refuse to date ever again, I was going to date the right guy.

So I redownloaded Tinder and got Bumble.

Bumble was deleted very quickly when I realised I am never going to message first.

So Tinder it was.

I went through stages 1-3 (mentioned above) pretty quickly. Stage 1 was repeated a fair few times.

I laughed at the number of people I knew, wondered what the polite thing to do was when you find a friend/an ex (match but don’t talk if you’re wondering).

Then I decided to be brave. I started working on my mindset. You see, before I was weirdly scared to match unless I was pretty keen (which is rare so well done to the 2 of you I’ve immediately swiped on hahahaha) but soon found when you don’t take it too seriously and understand that there’s no pressure, if you meet someone great, if you don’t you’ve lost nothing and this attitude made Tinder is actually fun.

If I had a free 5 minutes I’d swipe, match, then ignore the app for 10 days.

I knew straight away that I didn’t want to spend a lot of time chatting on the app so anyone I felt I would genuinely like to meet, I’d rather get a date in the diary and crack on with my day chasing my Grade R class, surfing, bumping into my ex 6 times…

My go to advice for Tinder is have a 2 date rule. It’s good to give people more than one chance, nerves can come into play as well as the events of that day which can knowingly or unknowingly influence your date.

For instance before my first date with one guy, I ended up hanging out with my ex, walking our dogs together, having him round the house to have a hair cut… wait what? Then crying the whole drive to my date because I still cared for my ex and he now looked like Brad Pitt with short hair.

Much to my surprise the date actually went surprisingly well and the guy although we didn’t continue to date long, made me realise I deserve someone that listens to me, that buys me oat milk and lives outside of my corner of the world.

Take Tinder with a pinch of salt. It’s about putting yourself out there, being open to meeting new people and if you happen to meet a goodie then that’s a bonus. Don’t take it personally.

You will match with a lot of guys (…or girls…or couples, whatever you’re into) and some will never message. Some will message and you’ll wish they didn’t. Don’t let it effect your idea of self worth. A stranger not being interested in you, really is not important. The weight of others opinions of you are really not important, and until you’re at that stage of peace within yourself then I would say stay off Tinder, or Bumble, Hinge and even Instagram.

Go work on yourself and find parts of you that you enjoy, nurture and cultivate the parts you don’t.

Use the dates as an excuse to try new things.

That hike you’ve been meaning to do, that craft beer place that opened, learn to dive, learn to skateboard. Whatever you have been meaning to try, go do it together.

That way even if things don’t go to plan, he’s not the one, he’s not over 6ft tall and his sense of humour has you unable to hide your boredom at least in terms of personal growth you’re ticking off your list.

I’m a big believer in always looking for a lesson, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a positive one but if it makes you grow, then that on it’s own is a great thing.

My biggest piece of advice regarding Tinder (that I learnt the hard way) was what inspired the title of this post: “Don’t mix Tinder and Tequila”. I guess having a few casual drinks can be fun, it helps you relax a bit but getting white girl wasted maybe isn’t the best idea.

My last Tinder date (and the reason I decided to delete Tinder but more about that at the end) all started with a very casual date, we chatted, we ate, we had a longboard sesh, all the lovely and mellow things. The guy was very sweet, he was kind but personally I felt it was more of a friendship. Now normally a date would end, I would explain I had a great time but for me it was more on a friend level and the guy (ego bruised) would probably ignore my existence furthermore…

Unfortunately for me we didn’t get to have that conversation. Living in a small community we passed the local pub, my rubber arm was twisted and the white wine was flowing. Anyone that knows me, I’m a gin and tonic girl. I can handle my gin, I know myself on gin.

White wine Jords, she’s one of two girls. The crazy or the crier.

When given tequila fun time Jords always wins.

So (un)fortunately for me that day, crazy, fun time Jords was unlocked.

Now the next part of the story I’m not saying I’m proud of. As the evening continued I ended up chatting with some guys from outside of CT and I ended up vibing with one of the guys.

In one night I managed to get my ex (and his dog) to not (be able to) talk to me, to leave my date and end up ending the night on another date with a different guy.

Like I said, no regrets. I mean I genuinely didn’t go out with the intent to meet anyone, let alone anyone else, let alone in front of my ex and possibly the guy I was originally on a date with, but a vibes a vibe and like I said before, this girls a sucker for a hot, blonde surfer… especially one that's fun and made me laugh.

But jokes aside, that’s not normally in my character and composing that apology text was difficult. Although I really am a believer of it’s where your heart is, and my heart was never to hurt anyone else.

It ended up being the reason I deleted Tinder again just to realign my heart to what my purpose is on there, and its certainly not to hurt or embarrass anyone else.

I really do want to find someone that’s on the same mission as me, that makes me laugh and can accept me as crazy tequila Jords, as chilled ‘go with the flow’ Jords and passionate teacher, exercise, surfer Jords and everything in-between. I want someone that actually wants to be my boyfriend; to adventure, to surf together to eventually somewhere down the line have cute little surf grooms and drinking that much on a Tinder date isn’t going to allow me to find that.

So although I'm not looking to date right now, my heart is still open to what might be around the corner or just a shot of tequila away...

[I wrote this in 2021 but deleted it but decided it's time for a re-release]