I will praise You on the mountain, I will praise You when the mountain's in my way...

One of the things I love about South Africa is its mountainous scenery, in fact one of my goals for 2020 is to hike more regularly and make the most of Cape Towns breath-taking views. Hiking is great as it changes your perspective, as you ascent higher, and higher, you see more of the big picture.

Lion's head was always my favourite mountain to climb; minutes after arriving in my hostel I was invited to join a group as we made our way for the sunset hike. Having never been to Cape Town before all I had seen at this point was the road from the airport to Greenpoint, so making the climb from Signal Hill to the top of Lion's Head blew my socks off, seeing the sunset over Clifton/ Camps Bay and seeing Table mountain lit up behind, it was honestly the most incredible experience. It was a birthday present from God, showing me the wonder of this place, the place I would later call home.

Climbing mountains are often used as analogies for our Christian walk; walking with God

we truly have those mountain top experiences that take our breath away, but we also have those slow, hard seasons through the valley to get where we need to be, or teach us more about who God really is. They can feel long, lonely and you can lose perspective. After 2 years walking in the valley, 2019 was truly a mountain top experience; it came with a heavy price; leaving behind those I love, those I thought I'd spent my life with; was incredibly difficult but finding my calling, finding the place my heart calls home and better yet starting the process to make it home has been unbelievable, in the best way.

While experiencing Gods goodness, faithfulness and provision I began to become so confident He would always come through for me I think I started to believe things would always go my way; that God's got my back so life will never be hard again. Unfortunately life took no prisoners when reminding me that It's great to love God, to sing His praises when on the mountain top, but what about when the mountains are in my way?

The biggest mountain for me was one I didn't even see coming; I knew emotionally the visa process was going to be taxing, I knew it was going to cost more than I wanted to spend and I knew there would be hurdles but each one, God tore down... until He didn't. The morning of my visa application, as I arrived in the centre I got the message that one of my best friends had passed away after battling with cancer for 3.5 years. It broke my heart in a way I didn't know it could break. Sophie was one of the sweetest girls I had ever met; beautiful, smart, caring and very funny. We met playing lacrosse but it soon came apparent we'd be friends for life as we shared a love for fitness, festivals and as we got older more sensible hobbies like hiking and brunch dates. We have so many memories together from watching our favourite artists, dressing up for summer ball, exploring waterfalls in Wales, to dancing on tables in Spain, playing in snow in Birmingham, beach yoga in Woolacombe or even just sitting on her sofa, talking about life. My life won't be the same without Sophie, but it truly was better because she was in it.

The news that day pierced my heart, I've experienced loss before but this was different...it was Sophie. I began to cry so uncontrollably, It felt like I couldn't breathe, all I wanted in that moment was a hug and someone to tell me it's all going to be okay. I was so overwhelmed with sadness any task for me seemed too much.

What felt like a second later, my ticket was called, I entered the booth (still crying) but also praying and hoping my application would all go through so I could just get home. Sadly, that's not at all how the story went, after 5 hours rushing to the bank, printing off additional documents, emailing everyone I knew in Cape Town to help me, my visa was still rejected. I was in such a daze that I left my purse in the booth and by this point my phone had died with no way of charging it. December 6th will go down as the worst day of my life, I've never felt more distress, more overwhelmed and exhausted. I didn't understand why God was letting me walk through this? Where was He now? All these mountains and it seemed, no God.

Before Sophie passed away I had never heard the song 'Highlands - Hillsong United' but I've listened to it everyday that she's been gone. Losing one of my best friends has been one of the hardest challenges I've ever faced, I'm still walking through that journey of loss now but I find giving God the praise in the heartache, has been such a healing experience.

I now look back on what was the worst day of my life and although I will never know why I had to experience so much pain in one day, I know that somehow through the worst heartbreak, I am more in love with God now than I ever have been. I know that as horrendous as that day was, the gift in itself was that I got to experience another day.

"No less God within the shadows. No less faithful when the night leads me astray. You’re the heaven where my heart is In the highlands and the heartache all the same." - Hillsong United.

Being a Christian doesn't mean that the storms of life don't hit us; but it certainly means we don't walk through them alone (Deuteronomy 31:8). We are called to be a light so in times of darkness, like losing Sophie people can see we handle the situation differently, although we are weak, because we know God we can still be strong (2 Corinthians 12:9). We have a God that understands the pain of loss and cried when He lost His friend Lazarus (John 11:35); a God that runs to meet us (Luke 15:20) wherever we are. A God that even on the darkest of day, weeks, months or years is still God and is still good (Psalms 107:1)

Since losing Sophie, I've felt a new sense of gentleness, a strength from deep inside (the Holy Spirit living in me) and as I get ready to leave for South Africa any day now, to work with women and children rescued from trafficking; (a brokenness we can only imagine) I know how God carried me through this will be a sign of hope to them; a sign that God is moving; that God loves us and He is certainly worthy of praise in when we're on those mountain tops and the valleys.

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