My season of singleness: The backstory...

Hi guys, so over the last 7 weeks I have been journeying through the wild ride that is complete singleness, on March 2nd 2020 I made the commitment to myself and God to stop all interaction with the male species that wasn't completely and utterly platonic.

*complete singleness refers to trying to limit contact with the opposite sex in general, but specifically no dating, texting, calling or planning future, imaginary weddings with good looking, charming, South African surfers.

My plan upon returning to South Africa was to not date anyone for the first few months (at least). I wanted some time to settle into South African life; focus on myself for a change; the importance of building female friendships; surfing as often as I could; putting my all into work and meeting my fitness goals for 2020.

A bit of my backstory, and one reason behind taking a break from dating is that I was previously in a 5 year relationship with someone that really did tick all the boxes. Except... the life God had planned for me was very different to the life he had for him. He was a very hardworking, business owner, based in the country; and well, I'm a vegan, hippie, surfer. Although I tried to walk his path, it ended in me compromising my hopes and dreams, and although it killed me to lose him, the most painful part was realising I had spent all those years losing myself.

Still a little lost, last year I ended up kind of seeing a guy on and off; but honestly that whole situation was toxic and just brought so much stress to my life. So when I walked away from that, I found myself sub-consciously becoming head cheerleader for the 'I don't need no man' club, the spokes person for the 'Why would I even want to get married anyway?' club; I found myself believing all men would bring stress to my life, so actually I was better off without them.

Just so you know, that's not my heart. Deep, deep, down, although I have found it hard to admit (up until I started this journey with God) I really want to believe there is someone out there that I can adventure through life with; serving God, loving people and surfing our way around the world. I want to teach my future, cute, blonde kids to surf, and us all live a joyful, fulfilled life with someone that makes me the best me, I can be. However, due to my past the idea that there could be a guy out there that makes my life better and not worse, seemed like an unlikely find. I think this is a position a lot of women dating in their late 20's end up in.

I've never dated a Christian. I've never really even fancied another Christian (other than unobtainable worship leaders), so my whole dating life I've followed popular culture, and never learnt what God's ideal is. During these few weeks alone of being completely single, God's been challenging me on popular dating practice, how the way society dates has wounded me, and how He has a better way.

For instance - we often enter relationships having to forgive the other person for hurting us, whether they do it on purpose or not - popular dating practice is to chat to more than one person at a time, and whether you admit it or not, when you like someone it hurts knowing that they are giving the same or similar energy to others. I understand we're evaluating potential partners but for me, It's never been my style. Although I can appreciate a pretty face easily, it's actually really rare for me to feel a connection with someone; so when I do, no-one else is on my radar. This hasn't always been the same for the other person, so I've end up 'competing' to be number one and then enter a relationship, subconsciously not feeling I am enough.

Another common dating mistake we (I) make is going for people that are emotionally unavailable. I genuinely don't know what it is about a guy that's slightly wounded that makes them 1000x hotter, but dang it's like my kryptonite! I have such an innate desire to 'fix' them which just leaves me exhausted. It's still a journey I'm walking on realising that it's God's job to heal, not mine!

Finally the mistake I make most commonly, is that I allow my feelings to get the better of me. I'm a hopeless romantic, I've read all the books, watched all the movies... I know that when a guy enters your life that you have a connection with THIS COULD BE IT. Except... often It's the complete wrong time in my life, I dive in because we have a connection but then freak out, and run for the hills because I'm not at all ready to be in a relationship. God is showing me that it's about trusting His timing, not mine. It's quite exciting and a huge weight off my shoulders, to know that I can't miss out on what God has planned for me.

Taking these six months to learn how God wants me to date; to allow Him to heal me from hurts of the past and show me His ideal is exciting, It's not necessarily going to be easy (In the next post I'll dive a bit more into why) but I'm trusting that at the end of this process I'll be better equipped to be the woman of God He wants me to be, and in turn date in a way that won't hurt myself, or anyone else.

These six months I'm using as time to pursue Him completely. The relationship I have with God will always be the most important relationship in my life. I never want to forget that. Knowing how much God loves me has brought so much to my life, opportunities I would never have alone, a strong sense of worth, so much adventure, so many blessings and frankly there's been so many chapters of pain that He has carried me through. He will always be the true love of my life.

I'm going to start blogging more of my journey/what lessons God is showing me, as well as the podcasts/ sermons/ Bible readings I'll be looking at - around how to date, so if you're single and following along I want to encourage you that knowing God, pursuing Him will always be the most fulfilling relationship you will ever have. That a life, knowing God, following Jesus will bring more to your life than a guy/girl ever will. Seek Him first, the rest will come later.